I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
