So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
