I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
