God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
