Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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