You can't special order awesome
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
