best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
