He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
