She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
