lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
