She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
that is very illegal...i love you.
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