he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
