Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
