So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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