If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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