Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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