It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
