That's when you crack a 10am beer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
