I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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