Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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