So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
