did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
