i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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