I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
