i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
