Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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