just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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