Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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