About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
