yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
