Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
