no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
