She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
