i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
