I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just invented taco cereal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
