Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
