Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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