she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
