Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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