so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
