If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He better not be in your backpack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
