Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
