I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
