You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
