Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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