Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
