I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
