How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
