Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
