Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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