Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
