I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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