You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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