thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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