you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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